Post #4 What Others Said When I Was Clinically Depressed

 “Why don’t you eat some chocolate for some energy?”

 “Why can’t she just get over it?”

“Just try to think positive thoughts.”

“She wasn’t grateful enough for the casserole.”

“She wasn’t sympathetic when our dog died.”

“She doesn’t want to hang out with us. She just keeps canceling.”

 “Too bad you aren’t feeling well enough to wear makeup.”

“(Insert husband’s name) doesn’t give you enough responsibility.”

These were comments I remember being said to me or about me during my struggle. They came from both my side of the family and my husband’s side. It’s funny how I lost so much memory due to a year of ECT, but these comments somehow remain forever.

Depression doesn’t know how to show appreciation or sympathy. Depression may make you appear “lazy,” “irresponsible,” or “ungrateful” to the outside world. It doesn’t matter that I considered myself anything but these descriptors before I became ill, but people took it personally when my personality plummeted. That’s just the reality.

People who you thought understood you suddenly don’t. It showed me how much people who have never experienced a mental health issue do not take it into account when interpreting your actions during these vulnerable times. They don’t understand, and in referring to a few, they don’t want to understand. You tell them you’re unwell and why, but they don’t seem to really take it seriously that you’re sick.

APATHY is a great word to explain my depression. I WASN’T SAD, I became the living dead! I stopped telling people I had depression because the word only describes how you look, not how you become inside. My psychiatrist who saw me through this whole story had the decency to validate that I was a VEGETABLE compared to what he’s seeing now – someone who is dynamic, reactive, and has a damn good sense of humor.

As a result of negative reaction from others, I get the impression they think depression is just being temporarily unhappy. So when I talk to the outside world, I say I went through mental illness, and to be honest, I think I’m just trying to make it sound more official and to be taken more seriously. Yeah, I still care what others think of me. I won’t be too hard on myself for that, because at least now, I am able to CARE about something. Opposite of apathy. WIN!