The memory loss for me was the most difficult. I’m still dealing with loss of the level of cognitive functioning I had before ECT. But I don’t regret the year-long ECT treatments, because I may not be here writing this if I hadn’t.
The memory loss varies with each person but it erased some long-term memory before I started ECT and it continues to affect my short-term memory 2 years after ECT. Usually, pictures jog my memory into remembering past experiences, but not always. I don’t remember 2022, the year I was given 40 ECT treatments. And I don’t remember 2023, the year I had to recover from the damage done by ECT treatments.
I still struggle with some executive dysfunction such as sustained concentration, starting and finishing tasks, disorganization, overreaction to small setbacks, being overwhelmed very easily, difficulty calming down after stressful events, quitting books and new hobbies halfway through, and procrastination. I know this because I remember what I was capable of before ECT. I feel like I came out of it a different person.
Husband: Do you want to watch a movie?
Me: Yeah, let’s watch The Eternals!
My husband frowns and he looks down at his feet, not happy about what he has to tell me.
Husband: Bubby, you told me I had to be honest with you. We’ve already watched it 3 times in the last 3 months.
My heart sinks.
Me: No, we didn’t!
Husband: I’m sorry, Bubby. We did.
We had the same discussion several times. I was slow to think, react, and had difficulty following conversations. My handwriting was large and ugly. Reading comprehension was dreadful. I needed my husband’s help to finish my sentences.
And thank goodness – there is something you can do about it. Memories can come back and cognitive functioning can improve with Neurocognitive Rehabilitation; I called it Brain Rehab. Most about that in the next post…
Like anything, you weigh the risks and rewards. In my case, coming out of depression alive was worth more than the side effects that resulted. Now, in June 2025, my depression is in remission now for a year, and I’m wholly grateful that I was able to receive the help that I did. There’s a cost to everything in life, but I’d rather be well than back to the living dead.
Stormy Raindrops 
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