Post #16: Relapsing Into Depression After 1 Year In Remission

July 31, 2025

After being clinically depressed for three years and having to go through electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for one of those years, I was thrilled in June 2024 to be in remission from depression. It means that I’ve been without depression symptoms for approximately 6 months. I had been doing so incredibly well the past year in remission, looking for a job, starting my blog, working out in aquatic classes, taking online classes, and generally taking small steps to regain my health again.

It’s unfortunate that I’ve now relapsed back into my depression symptoms. It started a little over two weeks ago when, every day, I looked at the clock every 30 minutes to see how much longer I had to wait for bedtime so I can start over again to feel better. I just wanted to numb myself because I had no energy or concentration to continue what I was doing before and all I could do was scroll through short videos on YouTube all day in bed. I didn’t want to leave the house. Some days, I needed my husband call off work and stay with me at home because I was afraid to be alone. I had anxiety about how I was supposed to go through each day doing nothing, especially when initially there was so much I could be doing. But I can’t. Everything is just so damn hard to do.

After two weeks of this, I contacted my psychiatrist who confirmed I’ve relapsed. He explained that depression is chronic, and said that there was an 85% chance people would relapse if they’ve had three or more episodes of clinical depression. He tested my sense of humor and, luckily, his corny jokes still cracked me up, so the depression is mild at this point and can possibly be reversed with medication change and behavioral changes:

• Small increased dose of my antipsychotic, Latuda. I suggested upping my Prozac but I’m already taking 60 mg and my doctor didn’t think that increasing it would have a greater positive effect.
• Have regular sessions with my talk therapist again.
• Exercise at least 30 minutes, 5x a day.
• Eat healthfully.
• Get enough sleep. I have insomnia and take Ambien nightly, but still, it’s a challenge sometimes staying asleep.
• Schedule social things on my calendar, so I have something to look forward to. This supposedly anchors my thoughts into the future with positive things.

I’m writing this early morning while I’m on my caffeine high but, typically, things go downhill from there. I’m optimistic but I’m more scared. I can NEVER, EVER go back to ECT again. I can NEVER be treated by Spravato (esketamine) again. I know this is thinking maybe too far down the line but I’m falling back to fear and the unknown – what if I’m unable to reverse the course of this depression. God, I’ve said before you came too late in my life. If you’re here, come now.